Papalagpasin ko na sana eh kaso lang hindi ako matahimik.
I already packed my laptop away. 10 minutes ago, I was finishing my reports for our early Operations Meeting tomorrow. I saw that there was one pending comment in the blog so I read it.
Nabwisit ako.
She commented on the post The Aftermath. Ang OA daw kasi namin. “Inistress” lang daw namin ang bata.
I closed my laptop and started preparing for Anika’s school grab kit.
Eh hindi ako mapakali.
I opened my laptop again and here I am now.
Seriously, sige nga. Sinong Nanay diyan ang gustong mahirapan ang anak niya?! Sinong Nanay diyan ang gustong mapasama anak niya?! I think better na “OA” kami kaysa super passive then magrisk may mangyaring masama pa more sa anak. I can tell you more than 10 true to life stories of parents who were not able to detect, identify and act on something immediately regarding their kids’ health that resulted to either permanent damage or death of their children.
Aantayin pa ba dapat yun?!
God.
It’s not actually yung pagka-kitid lang ng utak yung kina-iinisan ko eh. It’s the way how some people do mom-shaming. The sad part there is women or fellow mothers ang mahilig mag-mom shame ng ibang tao.
Seriously, ladies. We should be protecting one another not putting each other down.
For example, yung hina-hanash ni Maggie Wilson a few days ago. Someone close to her mom-shamed her. You can just click that sentence to go to the story. Why does she wear skimpy clothes daw eh nanay na siya. Ehem. Pag ba Nanay ka na, hindi ka na pwede mag-bikini?! If my body were as fit and toned as Maggie’s, malamang naka-two piece ako lagi. Kahit sa grocery store, two piece ako.
Why are we shaming each other? Nakaka-bawas ba sa pagkatao niyo if you see a mom in a skimpy attire? Nasa beach naman. Magulat kayo if naka-maong longsleeves siya sa beach.
There is nothing wrong in wearing a two piece swimsuit in a beach regardless if you are a mom or a single woman.
And a mother cannot be judged with what she wears. Open your minds, people.
Next example, yung hina-hanash naman ni Cat Arambulo. She is exploiting and extorting daw her kids. Click the sentence for the story. First and foremost, if you do not know, Cat Arambulo’s family is rich. Cat Arambulo’s husband is rich. I should know because I worked for her husband’s family corporation before. Hindi sila naghihirap and their kids do not need to work. The kids are well provided for. Nakita niyo ba ilang yaya ang kasama nila when they go out? Hindi nila kailangan to do sideline work para mabuhay. They allow their kids, or specifically their son, to do “work” (if you can even call it that) so that they can learn the value of responsibility at an early age. They are lucky pa nga eh kasi they have opportunities like that. And I can bet my year’s worth of shopping money that none of the money that their son “earns” go to their parents pockets para pambili ng expensive bags.
Why are some people affected with that? Why do they automatically assume that when a child gets paid for something, kinukurakot na agad ng magulang?
Bakit?!
Let’s deviate dito sa mga famous personalities.
Punta na lang tayo sa mga simpleng people like me. I cannot count how many times I have been shamed for wanting to work instead of staying home to take care of the family. I cannot count how many times I have been shamed because Anika gets sick all the time. Parang kasalanan ko ang lahat. I cannot count how many times I have been shamed because I shop a lot. As if I ask my shopping money from them.
I will not justify each and every thing that they said because well, fuck them all.
The negative things that you say to mothers like how to raise our kids, how to act and dress in public and how to talk ay hindi nakakatulong sa bansang ito. Walang magandang nagagawa ito. Hindi niyo din ito ikaka-asenso. So why the hell do you do this? Perfect kasi kayo? If you say you are, alika, please have coffee with me. I want to know you. I want to know how you do it. I want to interview you. I want to know “how to be you, po?”. And I will blog about it so that dumami din ang perfect na mothers like you.
Otherwise, shut the hell up.
Stop the hate.
Stop the mom shaming.
Stop putting other girls down.
Rather, magsimba kayo for world peace para magkasilbi naman kayo.
Go.
So true muther. Please interview them. We want to be perfect too!
Hahahaha! Sana magpa-interview sila!
Pak na pak Muther! Go lang and keber sa mga haters! Goodvibes na tayong lahat and good to know that Anika is okay. 🙂
Thank you Monique!
Hay nako Fleur, sinabi mo pa. Ako sobrang sakitin, lahat na ata ng sakit dumadapo sa akin simula bata pa pero di ako pinapabayaan ng nanay ko. Halos lahat na ata ng Chinese at Pinoy medicine nainom ko na. Minsan talaga may mga tao na parang sponge sa sakit eh. Pero di kasalanan ng nanay yun.
At ang irresponsible ha, to say na OA ka dun kay Anika. Kahit sinong matinong nanay kakabahan pag hindi pa naiintindihan kung ano exacto nangyayari sa anak nila. Kahit ano pa yan. Siguro nasabi nya yun kasi ngayon ok na lahat. Eh pano kung di ok yun kinalabasan ng test, OA pa rin ba?
Exactly my point! We only have one chance! Paghindi naging okay (knock on wood), as if maibabalik mo yung time na parang okay tara ulit.
Well said. Well written. Im single but im always on your side!
I love you mare!
Kebs na lang kasi wala naman siyang relevance sa life mo. Kanya-kanya lang tayo talaga ng parenting style.
Ako nga pag PTC tatanungin ko mga bata kung meron bang bagsak dyan kung wala di na ako pupunta. Alam ko madaming magaling dyan na feeling nila dapat puntahan pa din para malaman anong nangyayari sa school etc. Eh pero kasi my kids tell me naman ano nangyayari sa school. I’m satisfied with their performance plus wala din naman reklamo teachers etc. So ano ngayon kung di ko feel pumunta? Does it make me a worse or lesser mom? Pag di ba ako pumunta automatic ibig sabihin wala akong paki? It’s just that I don’t think it’s necessary.
Ay very true Ro! Kanya kanya tayong parenting styles and I do not think that one parenting style is better than another. We can learn from each other but we do not need to put each other down. Nakakaloka. You know sometimes that is the reason why I get pressured to attend meetings at school. Paghindi ka kasi nagpunta, parang ang dating, wala kang pakialam ano? I will change that now. As long as I see Anika’s okay in school and walang prob, hindi na ako maghohover dun sa school niya.
I do not want to mom-shame that commenter, Mommy Fleur. But I wonder how is she to her kids? Anong OA daw sa ginawa mo? Eh halos lahat kaming mga nanay na nakabasa ng post mo sa IG hindi ata nakatulog kakaantay ng update mo. Hindi pa namin anak si Anika nyan. How much more kung samin nangyari yun? Ako, simpleng lagnat lang din ng mga anak ko, si sugod din sa ER because I want to make sure my kids are OK. Because I want to make sure that I did everything to make my kids feel better. Grabe si Ateng, pano kaya sya maging nanay?
I am hoping that she is not a mother yet kaya hindi niya maintindihan pa as of now. Once maging nanay siya, she will understand.
“I cannot count how many times I have been shamed for wanting to work instead of staying home to take care of the family. ” –Urat na urat ako sa ganyang nagsestereotype muther. Mom ko working mom din, wapakels kahit dami sinasabi ng mga tao na hindi naaalagaan maayos mga anak. Hindi naman nila alam ang totoong ganap sa house jusme. Ang sexist kasi nung mga nagsasabi na dapat alagaan nalang ang pamilya. Eh sa you can do both eh bakit ba???? nakakainit ng ulo!!!! Pero hayaan na natin sila. Hayyy. Basta happy ka lang muther, wag na masyado pakastress diyan sa mga trolls na yan ahah
Yes hayaan natin sila! Apir!
Love it! The hell with losers and insecure people. Thanks for posting this. Exactly my thought and just to go further, stop the bullying. I have been bullied at work by my co managers because of my weight. Like fuck it, ive had two babies and just started getting back on track after doing an exclusive bfeeding while working graveyard. I just started to love myself and resign the fact that i should not force myself to lose weight just because this country is fucking judgemental. Your doing an amazing job as a mother and career woman. 😘
Kamo Alaine, buti pa ang mga malulusog, pwedeng pumayat.
Eh yung mga pangit ang ugali? Nakakapangit kamo ng buong pagkatao.
Hi Fleur, I read this blog first before I got to your aftermath blog. You know what, that person who commented negatively is an A-hole. And girls who shame moms are the same! You’re right…better be safe…or OA as the ass put it, than SORRY! We only live once! And moms like you and I, we know that our kids are God’s gift to us–they were brought into this world not because they chose to, but because we did! So for me personally, I am here to protect my kid from anything and everything! My life be damned! So I hope you’ve gone over that person’s comment. Tama ka din, wag nya basahin blog mo!
Have a great day! Glad to hear Anika’s well 🙂 Thank GOD!
Yes Helen! Over na over na ako with her.
mommy fleur, i feel the anger but sana mag subside na because mukhang 1 in a million (literal) yang nag-mom shame sa iyo compared to us who supports and cheers for you in everything that you do.
hugs mommy fleur! 🙂 🙂 🙂
Thanks Larisse!
Naku as a working mom, napakarami ko na ring na encounter na mom shaming.
Sabi nga ni Ru Paul, a famous drag queen “Mama said, unless they pay yo bills, pay them bitches no mind.”
Cool! Hahahaha!
Preach, Mommy Fleur, preach! 👏👏👏
To Asi, girl I want to know you too, because I want to be perfect din. I’m not a mother but I can understand Mommy Fleur because I am a nurse. Just in case that you’re not aware, a lot of children go UNTREATED dahil ipinagwalang bahala lang ng mga parents/guardians. Minsan hindi mo rin masisi kasi ang ibang illnesses ASYMPTOMATIC. Given Anika’s signs & symptoms, sinong magulang ang hindi kakabahan?
Mommy Fleur, tama ka, people need to stop the hate.. mom-shaming… body-shaming or kung ano pa mang shaming ang available jan, unless, kayo si ASI (eyeroll).
Thank you Kays.
The ironic thing is that si Cat Arambulo and your side are shaming stay at home moms who don’t work. Kesyo “living off on allowance” and sitting pretty nalang. There are moms like me who has dedicated her time and sacrificed a career and yes, live off on allowance. Do I deserve to be momshamed? No. We are caught in this crossfire na parang porket SAHM ka na napaka useless mo na kapag wala ka income. Akala ko ba stop mom shaming yet your side is mom shaming those who do not generate their income.
FYI, raising a child or children fulltime with or without a yaya is already a job itself. We don’t need money to validate our worth and ang sad lang ng society today because working women like you think you are above us.
Sobrang ironic lang. sana magbago ang mentality ninyo. Women are not supposed to be pitted against each other we build each other up! Shame.
Dear, nobody is shaming anybody. Not in what I posted and neither in what Cat has posted. We do not think that we are above you or anybody else. Yun nga ang pinaglalaban eh.
Namistinterpret mo lang, muther. There is nothing wrong with being a SAHM. I would like to be one but circumstances dictate otherwise and it’s okay. Our main goal is to be good parents to our kids. That’s it. Nobody is better than the other because in the eyes of our kids, tayo ang the best.
Teka kelan nag shame si Fleur ng mga stay at home moms? I’m a working mom too and for you to say “working moms like you think you are above us” is just unfair. Don’t project your insecurities onto every single working mom out there. Maybe in your experience some working moms have shamed you and that’s unfortunate, pero hindi lahat ng working moms ganon. Like Fleur said, we should just support and lift each other up. Don’t generalize.
This is a very great read! Thanks for putting it out there, dami kasi magagaling. In just a year of being a mom, I’ve already had my fair share of shaming. From friends, relatives, to even strangers. And because I’m a SAHM, merong “ansarap naman ng buhay”, meron ding “anong natutulong mo sa asawa mo?”. And then there’s also the MIL who’s the expert at everything. Na dahil magkaiba lang style namin in raising a child e mali na agad ako. Haaay people. Stop it!!
thank you. Whatever we are, SAHM or WAHM or working moms, kanya kanya yan. Again, nobody is better than the other. Bottomline,we all just want to be good parents to our kids.
I saw that comment in your previous post and true enough nakakairita ngang mabasa ang ganong comment. I guess that troll is just either of these two things: 1. Hindi siya nanay or 2. Hindi siya ganon ka-proactive as a mom ( aka: deadma at wala siyang ka-amor-amor sa sarili niyang anak na nagagawa niyang i-dismiss as “wala lang” ang mga “matter of life-and-death” involving her child).
Tama lang na sinabi mo sa kanyang wag niyang basahin ang blog mo. Hindi siya kawalan sa dami ng mga nagbabasa at nakaka-relate (with your experiences written on your blog). Gumawa na lang siya ng sarili niyang blog at maghanap siya ng mga makaka-relate sa mga kyeme niya.
Iniisip ko why women are so hard on each other? We set ourselves up to a certain standard and we are also the ones who pick on other women who do not adhere to those standards. Lagi na lang minimisinterpret ang mga sinasabi at mga actions.
Parang Mean Girls lang (pelikula ni Lindsay Lohan).
Very well said Jen! May I borrow ha?
Sure. Para kunwari wise beyond my years ako. LOL
Patayuan ng rebulto yang mga perfect na nanay na yan. Palibhasa sila ang may pagkukulang Kaya wagas sa pamununa. Nakakainis every time may mabasa o marinig akong ganyan. We need more people who still know what’s real and what’s not. Kudos for a wonderful piece here!
Hi Mommy Fleur, Di ata inalagaan ng parents nya yun nung bata say that is why she doesn’t know pano magmahal ang Nanay. Yung daddy ko nga hanggang ngayon protective pa rin Samin take note we are all working na ha. Kasi ganun ang mga parents eh they want us to have a good head start, a good chance to fight. Ewan ko lang kay Ate basher haha
Or baka hindi pa siya parent.. I just became like this when I became a mom. Hindi mo din pa kasi maiintindihan why parents are very praning to their kids and family until you become one. As of now, let’s give her the benefit of the doubt.
Eh di sila na! It’s hard enough to be a parent, raising kids to be kind people. Sa dami ng sacrifice natin, and may ganyan pang pag put down?! Kaloka!
Relate na relate ako ditey muther! Yung gusto mo sabibin sa kanila tang *na anung alam mu sa buhay ko anung alam mo sa pinag dadaanan ko.
Ang nakakainis kc dyan they don’t understand kung anung pinag dadaanan mo pero they easily judge you. Like me. Working mom din ako, sobrang hirap mag leave sa office kc one man ako as in ako lahat ultimo maintenance ako lahat. Ang day off ko lang is Sunday, and sometimes i also work in Sundays. Shit! Sino bang nanay ang ayaw magpahinga? Sino bang nanay ang ayaw makasama ang anak nya? Sino bang nanay ang ayaw mag stay sa bahay? If only i could i would! The hell! We working moms sacrifice a lot of time. Hindi para sa sarili natin para makibili ng lipstick! Para sa mga bata, for there future!
There was a friend of mine saw me sa mall, sk chika chika. sabi nya bakit daw ako bumibili ng lipstick?! (E parang wala pang one week yun kakalabas lang namin sa hospital) Tang *na sabi ko talaga sa knya excuse me hindi ko to pinapabili sayo. May karapatan ako bilin kung anu mang gusto ko! May trabaho ako!
Hirap kami financially, pero ill make sure lahat ng kailangan at pangangailangan ng mga anak ko binibigay ko. Kayod kalabaw ako! I claim that! And we survive!
Cheers to all mothers!
ps. We moms have the right to wear to buy want we want! Deserve natin yun! At walang masama dun! Anu payat lang pwede mag two piece?! Fu** * sila kung ganun ang pananaw nila sa buhay!
Ultimately, no to mom shaming talaga. You do you best all the time so don’t mind them na lang. Ang importante, love na love tayo ng mga babies natin =)