Maeko slept over last night here in our house. I didn’t know who was more excited, ako ba or si Anika. Hehe. Buti kasya pa ang mga bagets in one twin bed. They looked so adorable sleeping beside each other.
When I woke up the next morning, wala yung dalawa sa house. I panicked ng slight. And then ayun, pumasok yung dalawa each carrying a glass of taho. Ganda my morning seeing them laughing while sipping their taho.
We went to hear mass in our village church and since it the feast day of Sto. Nino, all the kids were asked to go to the front of the altar to be blessed.
After that, naki-fiesta kami sa Sto. Nino in Paranaque where almost all of Alvin’s relatives live. They ate and had games.
So how am I now.
I’m a bit better. I think my body is getting used to the dosage I am taking now (since the day I stupidly tampered with it). But I do not want to conclude yet until I see my therapist on Wednesday. The panic attacks still come, greater when I wake up and at night. They come at least 5 times during the day. I learned the art of deep breathing when I have these attacks. Five seconds breathing in, holding it for 2 seconds and exhaling for 5 seconds. Nawawala naman ng slight afterwards.
I know I have to stop reading (and believing) everything that is in google but I read about the difference between a panic disorder and an anxiety disorder. I shall ask my therapist about it though to confirm my understanding. Ang intindi ko kasi from what I’ve read is that an anxiety attack happens when may kinakabahan ka talaga na something. Pag panic attack, waley daw. Walang reason at all. That is why feeling ko, panic attacks itey and not anxiety attacks lang. But then again, I’m a licensed Civil Engineer and not a doctor so there is a huge probability that I am wrong.
Mag-antay na nga lang ako ng Wednesday.
Anyway, a lot of you are asking what I do when I have these attacks. Apart from deep breathing, I go straight to the adoration chapel.
I frequent the Adoration chapel in Magallanes. I go there in the morning before heading to the office. Like I said, the anxiety is so great in the morning that mapapaluhod ka talaga while begging God to take it away. Since madalas I’m the only one there, take it away cry talaga ang ginagawa ko. The works mga bakla: tears streaming down with crunched up face with my hands pressed together in prayer. It makes me feel a whole damn lot better afterwards. Ang gaan ng feeling.
It was only late last week when I noticed that there’s a CCTV camera installed in front of the adoration chapel.
Hala. Napapanood yung mga drama moments ko!
Inayos ko na yung iyak ko after nun. Nahiya ako. Lelz.
Anyway, Arnaiz told me to list down 5 things I am thankful for everyday so for today, here are the things I am thankful for.
- Anika and Alvin have good health.
- Alvin turning 40 years old and having his relatives and friends over last Saturday to celebrate it. Ang saya niyang tingnan nung Sabado eh. Enjoy talaga siya.
- The gift of family and close friends, I am indeed lucky I have them in my life.
- Buti na lang masarap yung food ng chosen caterer ko last Saturday.
- My blog readers who actually do not know me or haven’t met me yet pero super support talaga with what I am going through now.
I’m planning a get together with my blog readers this quarter. Dun tayo ulit sa Bliss Bowls kasi super sarap and napaka-conducive sa chikahan. Depending on how many would want to join, we’ll do batches. 16 lang kasi ang kaya i-accommodate at a given time.
With that, please do comment below if you are interested to join, ayt? The first batch will most probably happen this February. I’ll make it on a Saturday para weekend =)
Osha, I shall finish na this episode of The Crown. It’s sooooo addicting!
Good night y’all!