The other night when I got home, Anika showed me her school diary. Her Science teacher had a note for me.
“Please study harder for Science PT (periodical test). Anika failed all her MTs (mastery tests) and short quizzes.”
I checked all of Anika’s test papers. Why wasn’t I aware of this?! I check all her test results all the time. I checked them all again that night. Paano magfe-fail eh 20/30 grades niya? Yung lowest is 19/30.
I checked with my CSA parent amigas.
70% daw ang passing score pala sa Colegio San Agustin.
Anak ng pating yan.
What happened to 50%?! Well sa DLSU dati, 60% ang passing grade, pero 70%?! Grade 2?!
The fuzz again.
It’s enough that ang advance na ng lessons nila, tinaasan pa ang passing score. I don’t remember studying natural and artificial light sources in Grade 2. Lalo na the renewable and non renewable resources! Di ba?!
I admit at first I was upset. I know I shouldn’t but I felt really guilty. I blamed myself. Hindi ko kasi matutukan turuan si Anika because of my condition now so we got her a tutor. Dati nagsusupplement pa ako sa kanya ng turo pero now, puros tutor na lang talaga.
Janis was there when I got home and saw all the brouhaha. I could feel that she was watching me.
JANIS: Nag-aanxiety na naman tong si Nana.
She was right.
I walked to the kitchen to get myself a glass of water. Nakasalubong ko si Alvin. Niyakap ako.
ALVIN: Okay lang yan.
ME (whispering to him so Anika couldn’t hear): She’s fucking failing in Science. She’s only in Grade 2. Kasalanan ko to lahat. It’s not okay.
ALVIN: It’s okay. Hindi mo kasalanan yan. Wag mo istress sarili mo. Di ba napagusapan na natin na hindi na tayo dapat magsestress sa ganito?
He was right. Napagusapan na nga pala namin that we will not exert pressure sa studies ni Anika. Iba na ang mga bata ngayon. Iba when we were growing up. Alvin and I agreed that as long as we see her studying and doing her best, we will not expect much on her grades (as long as she won’t fail sa report card ha?). Iba talaga yun.
We analyzed kasi eh. We realized ang dami naming successful and financially stable friends who didn’t excel in school dati. They are also happy in what they are doing. Ang nakita namin common among these friends of ours are (1) maganda yung family support group nila and (2) magaling sila dumiskarte. They are also very resilient. Meaning, pursigidong tao. Alvin and I decided to focus on that. Yan yung ipupush namin kay Anika. We want her to excel in her own terms and not bounded by grades. Nagaanxiety lang ako because I know grades pa din ang basehan in acceptance sa college. Tinitingnan pa din ang university and grades ng mga companies when they hire people.
It will be a great balancing act. Balance between not pressuring Anika vs. wag siyang magpabaya sa studies.
Hindi ako actually nakuntento diyan sa analysis na yan. I turned again to my CSA parent amigas and nag-unload ako dun. You what pacified me? I have two amigas who have grown up kids na. They said high grades really do not matter in Grade 2. Okay daw mga anak nila in college despite not having high grades nung grade school. Importante daw na masaya sila in what they are doing. And we shouldn’t stress them too much. Anxiety disorders affect 25.1% of children between 13 and 18 years old (from aada.org). At dahil meron akong anxiety disorder, my children will most likely to have anxiety 6 times more compared to kids whose parents do not have this illness. Ayaw kong magkaron ng ganun si Anika kaya sige fine.
I also talked to Anika’s tutor and ask him if he thinks Anika will have a failing grade in her report card if she still fails her periodical tests. Hindi daw. Public school teacher kasi siya. He said hind lang naman grades ang pure basis of the over all school. There are the performance tasks, recitation, etc etc.
I felt so much better.
Don’t get us wrong ha? We shall still strive for excellence. No pressure nga lang. The pressure will not be worth it. Mental health is still very important. I am not saying all these kasi mababa grades ni Anika. Baka kasi parang bitter ang dating sa iba. You should know that Anika’s grades in her other subjects are above average. Ito lang talagang Science, favorite subject pa naman niya. But still, ganun pa din diskarte namin ni Alvin. No pressure.
I like also the idea of Anika being good at other extra-curricular activities. Apart from the reading lessons she will have at (maybe) Kumon, she’s choosing if she will have singing, dancing or gymnastics lessons this summer. Well rounded ang peg.
Your thoughts, muthers?