I think I made kwento na here this one pero I’ll tell it again ng more in depth.
A few weeks ago, Anika said pinagalitan daw siya ng music teacher kasi she forgot to bring one of the printed out lyrics that they need.
ANIKA: Teacher got mad at me because I didn’t bring the printout of the lyrics. She said three times ko na daw hindi dinadala.
She cried. I was just watching her.
ALVIN: Is that true? Pupuntahan ko teacher mo bukas.
ME: Wait. Anika, did your teacher shout at you?
ANIKA: No. But I know she’s mad.
ALVIN: Sige kausapin ko bukas.
ME: Hep hep. Teka lang. It’s natural pagalitan ka. She gave you instructions but you didn’t follow eh. If ayaw mo pagalitan, you should follow your teacher’s instruction.
ALVIN: Oo nga.
Anika stopped crying because maybe she felt wa-epek ang drama niya. It was her fault why she was nasita ng teacher. Why would we take her side?
I realized mga bakla, unknowingly, we sometimes condone victim mentality with our kids. I understand kasi we love our children so much that gusto natin naka-support tayo agad. Hindi daw ganun yun. That is chapter 1 of the 13 Things Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Do Book.
Mentally Strong Parents Don’t Condone A Victim Mentality
There are a lot of situations na feeling natin victim sila. Examples are when they fail a test or hindi natanggap sa varsity team or binangko or hindi napili magperform in schoool or if hindi matanggap sa job na gusto nila. These scenarios doesn’t mean na victims sila. This should not hinder them from doing what they’re supposed to do or this should not prevent them from succeeding. Like if they fail a test, isisisi sa teacher. Instead, maybe we can tell them to study harder next time.
Let’s prevent ourselves from role modeling a victim mentality too. Yung tipong, “Bakit ba nangyayari etong maga ito sa akin?!” when things go wrong. Let’s prevent also yung ayaw natin nahihirapan yung mga bata. We shouldn’t rescue them immediately when things go wrong otherwise, hindi yan matututo to solve things on their own. Dedepende yan sa atin forever and we don’t want that to happen. I struggle with that with Alvin. Madali maawa si Alvin si Anika. So sometimes he immediately gives in to what Anika wants especially pagnagiinarte tong isa na sad because she has nobody to play with. Magaling din tong si Anika eh. She knows how to manipulate us. Magpapaawa yan na magisa lang daw siya and she doesn’t have any siblings. And then she will ask for a toy or a board game. Mautak. At first we were falling for it. Pero now, after reading the book, ha! Sorry, hindi na umuubra.
Positivity daw plays a big role in not raising kids with victim mentality. Let’s help them not to act helpless or hopeless when things go wrong. Don’t always complain in front of the kids. Sa banyo niyo siguro gawin yan para hindi mahawa ang mga bata sa kakareklamo.
But in the same time, we should teach them to speak up when they think they are being treated unfairly. Like for example, when someone cuts the line in front of them. Sitahin in a respectful way. Or if may nang-away sa kanya, hindi naman pwede walang imik na lang. Teach them to report the kid to the teacher. Iba yung victim mentality sa nagpapa-api. We do not want both.
This early, I tell Anika that she cannot control everything that is happening around her. She cannot prevent things that she doesn’t like from happening pero ang controlled niya is her attitude about it. If she fails, try again. Lagi positive. In the end, we want them to be resilient. Babangon pagbumagsak. Magmo-move on if nabroken hearted. Try again pagna-basted. Do better after they fail. Yes, I am sympathetic to Anika pero hindi ko kinukunsinti yung pity parties niya. I don’t join her there. I want to raise her to be emotionally strong. Sana I’m in the right path.