Last week, one of my friends told me ang pessimistic ko daw. I paused for a while because I was looking for a way how to be able to explain it.
Hindi naman ako actually pessimistic. I can just think of a lot of things that can actually go wrong. Ayoko kasi ng umaasa eh. And at a very early age, I went through things na hindi magaganda so I know hindi lahat ng bagay that will happen to you will be in your favor. Good things naman daw happen to good people. I know, but I also know bad things happen to good people. How can you explain kids going through their parents separation? They don’t deserve it di ba? But they go through it. That’s what I mean. At this point of my life, aware na aware lang ako sa mga things that can go wrong. Hindi ako nag-eexpect masyado because we all know that when things don’t go the way we expect them to, masakit.
However, we should not revolve our lives on pessimism. Mali naman yun. It’s okay that you are aware of the things that can go wrong pero para lang ma-ready yang feelings natin. Also, okay din yun kasi prepared tayo sa mga plan B to Z natin.
Are you like me?
We need therapy ata. Hahahaha!
Natatawa kasi ako eh. Sometimes, when I’m not able to control it, I get so affected by it.
For example, when I’m in a new place, say in Europe, I get all agitated because iniisip ko, “Naku! Ang ganda ganda dito! Kelan kaya ako makakabalik dito? Baka hindi na ako makabalik! Sayang naman.”. See? I have just arrived and yet I’m thinking about kelan ako makakabalik.
Another example is when Alvin embraces me out of the blue. Or biglang kikiss ng wala lang. Yung biglang magiging sweet? Sa sobrang dalang niya gawin yun and sa sobrang sabik ko sa ganun, parang gusto ko maiyak eh. Iniisip ko agad kelan niya ulit gagawin sa akin yun?
Wag niyo akong gayahin.
I’m trying to find a way to work around the way I am. I don’t want Anika to be like me when it comes to overthinking things. I know I won’t be able to change myself anymore given I think naka-embed na yang personality na yan sa mga buto ko. But I can always improve and yun yung ginagawa ko now. I give myself pep talks many times a day. I pray. I exert effort to be more positive.
Naalala ko si Anika.
ANIKA: I’m sure I’m going to have low grades na naman.
ME: Don’t be like that. You studied naman. Be positive!
ANIKA: I am positive that I will have low grades na naman!
Kalokang batang ito! Hahaha!
Bottomline is self awareness is the key to self improvement.
Tara. Balik na tayo sa milyong milyong things to do natin ngayong Pasko.