I went back to work today.
20 days post partum and I’m back to my daily grind. If not for my bleeding, I would have gone back to work earlier.
Today, I woke up at 5am. I did my daily meditation. I brought Anika to school. I said my morning prayers at Santuario de San Antonio. I went to the office. I had 2 meetings. I organized a lot of things that I have been itching to fix while on leave. I picked up Anika at the school clinic right after lunch because she had sinat. Alvin picked her up at the office so they can go home earlier. I went to one of our projects for a walkthrough. And then I went home.
Ngayon, ang sakit ng katawan ko. Lelz. I feel like I just came from the gym.
That’s what 20 days worth of lying down can do to you after doing a little work but gosh, I missed doing something other than lying down, eating and watching TV.
Here’s what I wore to the office.
I was in heels the whole day. Good thing I have my trusty Keds to change into pag may biglaang site visits.
A lot of you were insisting for me to stay home and finish the whole 60 days of maternity leave. A lot of you are also asking why I went back to work so early. Kasama na diyan ang boss ko. Some of you even sounded like you think I’m such a loka loka for not availing the maternity leave benefit. Imagine, 60 days worth of paid leave of absence from work?
I know you all mean well pero mga bakla, I really want to go back to work.
Sa totoo lang, batong bato ako sa bahay these past few days. I know myself. If I avail of that long maternity leave, it wouldn’t be healthy for my sanity. I am the type of person who needs to do something. Not just anything, something na I feel may purpose ako. Otherwise, I go loco.
If I stay home, nakakalungkot. Alvin and Anika are at work and school most of the day. Wala akong kasama sa bahay. Yeah, I can Marie Kondo my whole house but it won’t satisfy me. I can go malling the whole day, meet with my friends and do the things any normal person who is not busy does pero hindi ako masaya eh.
Ayoko magmaternity leave because for me, I feel that they’re for women who actually gave birth and have a baby to take care of.
Wala talaga akong baby na inaalagaan eh.
If I stay home and do nothing, maiisip ko lang the baby that I never had. Maiisip ko lang Ate na sana si Anika. Maiisip ko lang na ang sarap siguro ng may bine-breastfeed, pinagpupuyatan and pinanggigigilan. And then I cry. I don’t want to be sad anymore. I wanna move on and working helps keep my mind off these sad thoughts.
Akin lang yun ha? Some women who had miscarriage avail of this leave because they need to recuperate, not only physically, but emotionally and mentally as well. Kanya kanya din na coping mechanism yan and this is mine.
So that’s the reason why I opted not to avail of the 2 month long maternity leave.
If only siguro Alvin and Anika can take time off from work and school, mag-out of the country siguro kami for 60 days. Yan payag ako magleave. But no. It’s okay though. We can have a vacation, the 3 of us, in the right time.
Thank you so much for all the support you have been showering me since day 1. I really, really appreciate it. I pray that one day, I can meet you all so I can say thank you in person.
I’m cooking something up. Hehe. Sabihan ko kayo agad *wink!*