Hey guys =) I hope you had a nice week. I have not updated for a week, ano? I have a perfectly good reason why.
Puyat na puyat ako, mga bakla.
Last Sunday and Monday, I couldn’t sleep because I was very excited about my Europe trip. Isip ako ng isip what nice OOTDs to do without me buying new clothes here in Manila. Gusto ko kasi dun na ako magshop. This trip will be a nice backdrop for photos so I want my clothes to be nice. Dahil diyan, I slept at 1am on both nights. I wake up at 430am di ba? So imagine the puyat.
Then last Tuesday, may yumanig sa akin ng bongga. This caused me sleepless nights for the rest of the week.
I found out that Anika has an imaginary boyfriend. Since she was 7 years old pa daw ito. Sure naman ako na imaginary boyfriend pa lang yan.
I will no longer detail here how I found out pero it was very specific and it came from her. When I found out, hindi pa ni Anika alam that I know.
I got very worried. She’s only 8 years old. Ang akin lang is I never had an imaginary boyfriend when I was young. Imaginary friend na dwende, meron, pero imaginary boyfriend, wala. And I only got aware about that boyfriend girlfriend thingy when I was in grade 6 already!
She’s too young.
Anyway, when I found out, I knew I couldn’t keep it from Alvin. I was actually more worried about talking to Alvin than talking to Anika. Ang over acting ni Alvin sa ganyan, grabe.
When I got home the day I found out, I went to Janis’s house for support. She has a teenage daughter. She must know how I will talk to Alvin and what I should say to Anika. Unfortunately, Janis did not have an experience with her daughter and with boys as early as 8 years old like Anika. “Masayadong maaga, Nana.”, she said. And like me, she was also more worried with me talking to Alvin about it kaysa kay Anika. Pakshet. Kinabahan tuloy ako lalo.
I went home and talked to Alvin in our room. I told him about it and how I found out. As expected, he went ballistic.
ALVIN: Shorts ka kasi ng shorts ng maiksi eh!
Anak ng teteng. Anong connection ng pagsho-shorts ko?!
ALVIN: Ilipat na yan sa Assumption ngayong taon.
Good thing, kaka-enroll ko lang kay Anika sa CSA that day.
ME: Hindi natin ililipat si Anika ng school. Wala yan sa school. Besides, subukan mo ilipat si Anika ngayong taon. Mahigit isang oras pumila si Wowa sa CSA kanina para sa enrollment ni Anika.
Because siguro hindi mailabas ni Alvin yung strong feelings niya about this issue kay Anika, ako yung pinagsisigawan. Pinagsisigawan ko din siya.
ME: Teka lang! Bakit ba tayo yung nagsisigawan?! Hindi naman tayo magka-away!
Dun natawa si Sombrero ng very slight.
Here are his points daw kasi:
- He wants to talk to Anika ng pagalit. Gusto niya maramdaman talaga ni Anika na galit kami about the idea of her having a boyfriend this early. Para daw matakot.
- Masyadong maaga daw. Bakit alam na niya yung mga boyfriend girlfriend since last year pa? Paulit ulit siya dito.
- He wants to transfer Anika to an all girls school. Dun daw walang boys and wala siyang magugustuhan.
Here are my points naman:
- If kausapin ng galit si Anika, there is a big chance that she will never open up to us ever again. Magtatago yan.
- Wala nang magagawa that she knows about the girlfriend boyfriend thing na bata pa siya. She has busmates na high school. Nakikita niya yan. Her other friends know about it from God knows where and they tell her about it. Ang akin lang, instead of paulit ulit na pagsabi na masyadong maaga pa, we should plan what to say to her and do something to correct the thinking that she can have a boyfriend already this early. Moving forward dapat ang peg.
- There is no sense of transferring Anika to an all girls school. That is just a band-aid solution. Wherever she will be, malalaman and malalaman niya about that boyfriend girlfriend thing. The best thing that we should do is to talk to her about it. Wag gawing taboo ang topic. Ginawa kasing taboo ni Alvin yung topic na yan sa bahay kaya etong si Anika, instead of coming to us about it, tinatago. Takot siya kausapin at least man lang ako tungkol diyan. That is bad. Also, we should instill in her the right thinking and the right values para quesihodang nasan siya, we are assured na she will make the right decision.
Macocontrol mo ba ang paligid niyan?! We are not with her 24/7. Even if I stop working and sundan ko lang yan ng sundan, I will not be assured that hindi yan maliligawan or no boys will come to her and tell her he likes her. Ang controlled lang namin is how she will react about it.
Nung nahimasmasan si Alvin, after consuming half a case of beer ata, we agreed that I should talk to Anika. I told Alvin ako na ang bahala.
It was only last Thursday when I asked Anika to sit on the bed with me so I can talk to her. Pinagisipan ko ng mabuti mga bakla, the approach of how I will talk to her. My words can make or break our relationship about this topic and naka-salalay dito sa paguusap na ito, how Anika will process the information that I will tell her.
ME: Anika, can we sit down? I need to talk to you about something.
ANIKA: What did I do?
ME: Nothing naman. Di ba we said we will be honest with each other?
ME: Have you been honest to me?
ME: Di ba I told you no lying to Nanay?
ANIKA (pointing to me): I know that face.
ME: What face?
ANIKA: You know I’m lying.
ME: Yes Anika. I know you are not telling me everything. You know why? God can see everything that you do and He tells me through my dreams. That’s why I know.
Anika started crying.
ME: Why are you crying?
ANIKA: Because I didn’t tell you that I have been bad to my yayas.
ME: No not about that sweetheart. Though that’s not nice too, I was talking about something else. Are you keeping anything from me in school?
ME: Are you sure? Are you sure you do not like any boys in school?
She started crying again.
ANIKA: But I don’t like them anymore!
ME: Why are you crying? You don’t need to cry. I am not mad. It’s okay to like boys. It’s normal. You like them because they’re you’re friends. I just want you to tell me about them because I want to know about it. I am not mad.
ANIKA: I like this boy. His name is Ged (the name has been changed).
ME: Oh okay. Why do you like him? Is he nice?
ANIKA: Yes. He was there when I was throwing up in school. And when I’m sad, he consoles me.
ME: I see. So he’s mabait?
ME: Okay. Ged isn’t your classmate anymore di ba? How do you guys get to talk to each other?
ANIKA: Oh, he comes to my classroom.
ME: What do you mean? He comes to your class room?
ANIKA: Yes. He talks to my teacher when his teacher needs something from my teacher. Then we see each other. I also go to his classroom to get something from his teacher from my teacher.
(When I told Wowa and Faye about this yesterday, Wowa said “Kilala ko yang Ged. Pogi nga naman kasi yung batang yun. At least marunong pumili si Anika.”.)
ME: Do you like other boys apart from Ged?
ME: Who is it?
ANIKA: I like my classmate, Mau (name has been changed).
When I told Janis and Alfred about this, they both said, “Manang mana sayo, Nana! Hahahaha!”
ME: Why do you like him?
ANIKA: Because he is tiny and cute. And he is very funny.
ME: Okay. You know Anika, it’s okay to like boys. But you know what’s not okay? It’s not okay to have a boyfriend. It’s very, very not okay to have a boyfriend. Tatay will go ballistic! He will get very angry. He will stop making you go to school. He will get all your things. You will no longer have nice toys, iPad, no more TV, ganyan. You know why? Because it is his rule that you cannot have a boyfriend. Besides Anika, when Tatay gets mad at you about this, I can’t protect you.
Anika started crying again. She hates the idea of her Tatay getting mad at her.
ME: Because I’ll be mad too. I don’t want you to have a boyfriend already because you are very young pa.
ANIKA: When can I have a boyfriend?
ME: When you finish college.
ANIKA: How old is that?
ME: I think 20 years old.
ANIKA: So I can like boys but I cannot have a boyfriend?
ME: Yes anak. It’s normal to like boys. You like boys because they are your friends. That’s okay. Hindi okay ang may boyfriend because you are too young. You have to concentrate on studying.
ANIKA: How old were you when you liked Tatay?
ME: I liked your Tatay as a friend when I was 14 years old. But he was not my boyfriend. We are friends with your Ninang Janis and Ninong Alfred. We only became boyfriend girlfriend after I finished college and had a job na (liar).
ME: Anika, remember the rules ha?
ANIKA solemnly nodded her head: Yes Nanay.
ME: What are the rules?
ANIKA: No lying.
ANIKA: No boyfriend.
ME: No kissing!
ANIKA: Yes. No kissing.
That was only the part one of our conversation. I also talked to her last Friday. I realized, albeit early, Anika’s entering that stage na where she’s discovering na the boy girl relationship. Dapat I am talking to her more about it. I want her to feel that she can open up to me. Kahit na she’s scared of Alvin, sa akin gusto ko nakakausap niya ako. Para I can monitor and guide her. I told Alvin, mabuti na sa amin galing the information that she gets about that kaysa sa ibang tao pa.
Tama naman di ba?