It’s been a while, guys. I missed blogging so much. After 13 years of doing it, hindi ko maalis sa sistema ko, sa totoo lang. Almost everyday, I imagine myself blogging. There are so many blogposts in my head na sometimes nakakaloka. Every where I look, may pang blog post ako na nakikita. Force of habit, I guess.
Anyway, Happy Valentine’s Day, everyone! For the first time in a long while, I can say that without bitterness or pain… and without tearing up. Lol. Tama nga siguro sila. Time heals. People always ask if I think I’ve fully healed from that life-changing event. Honestly, I’m not sure anyone ever feels 100% okay after a marriage breaks down. But what I do know is that I’m so much better now than I was last year. A lot better than two years ago. And a hell of a lot better than three years ago. That’s where I’m at now, and I’m sure of that.
Yung loneliness that came from the separation, if not minimized, halos wala na. Hindi na ako bitter when I see couples together while I’m out at the mall. I don’t cry when I see old couples walking together anymore. I can listen to love songs now. Dati exage, hindi talaga. Taon din yun na ganun. Now, I even have a playlist of love songs I currently like on Spotify. I’ve stopped comparing my life to those “sweet” couples on social media. I realized how much pressure it can create. Social media often makes it seem like everyone else is living a picture-perfect love story, and comparing myself to that was only making me feel sad… and angry.. and bitter.. and.. you get it.
There are so many realizations for me. One of them is I realized that being alone is better than being in a wrong relationship. Mabuti nang literal na magisa ka kaysa you are with somebody nga and yet you feel alone. For me that’s worse. And, I know some of you might not agree with this, but I truly believe that staying in an unhealthy relationship just for the kids can actually be more damaging in the long run. I’d rather separate and provide my child with a peaceful, stable environment. I’ve been there as a kid, so I that is where I’m coming from.
How to move on?
Madaming dasal. It’s important to believe what God says in Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Pinanghawakan ko yan and until now, pinanghahawakan ko pa din.
After letting yourself feel everything—the hurt, the sadness, the anger, the bitterness—you have to trust that time really does heal. Acknowledge these feelings because they’re not going to stay with you forever. Focus on what you gained rather on what you lost. Mahirap gawin ito, yes. Pero kailangan eh. Otherwise, hindi makakabangon. Ano ba pwede mong na-gain? Peace of mind, girl. Malaking bagay yan.
Prioritize your well being. Rediscover yourself. Love yourself. One day, I will blog about self love. Matagal tagal din before naintindihan ko yan. I realized that as time passes, nagkakaroon ako ng peace. It started when I finally let go of all the “what ifs,” the “what could have been,” the blaming myself for everything that happened, and trying to control what was already out of my hands.
Surround yourself with people who love you. Naisip ko, ang swerte ko pa din kasi madaming nagmamahal sa akin. And I also focused on nurturing my relationship with Anika. Lumabas, tumatag pa lalo yung relationship namin mag-ina after what happened.
Then came the day when I stopped letting my sadness control me. I stopped the self-pity. I got busy—working out, fixing up the house, reconnecting with friends. I accepted that it is what it is. There are a lot of things I cannot control and that is okay. Not everything in my life will go as I planned. Pero sure ako, since God loves me, I’ll be okay. I’ll have a better future because God is in control. Siya bahala. And after I surrendered to Him everything, I prayed that He would help me stop monitoring all the things I surrendered to Him.
So to everyone who’s been where I was—or is still there right now—this post is for you. These are my answers to all the questions you’ve been sending me. Don’t lose hope. It may feel tough right now, but I promise you, things will get better. Nasasayo din yan. Apart from our God, walang ibang makakatulong sa atin kung hindi tayo lang din.
Happy Valentine’s Day, people!