Category: Uncategorized

Bilis ng panahon. Parang kelan lang, I was celebrating my birthday. Now, it’s the middle of February already. Before you know it, maririnig na natin si Jose Marie Chan.

This year started quite well for me. I spent the New Year’s Eve with Anika and Pineda’s family. Sa tagal na namin friends ni Pineda, it was the first time we had Media Noche together ever. Tuwang tuwa kaming dalawa ni Anika. Isabel and Faye are in New Zealand na and wala namang kapatid tong si Anika so I was grateful she had people from her generation (haha) na nakasama nung salubong.

The next day was my birthday and for this year, I had a triple birthday celebration.

One was dinner at my favorite buffet restaurants with Wowa, LT, Lyn, Anika and my cousin Bobet. Anika organized it with Wowa.

Second was with my Post Construction Team. They threw me a surprise “party” the day after my actual birthday. Wala kasing pumasok nung birthday ko. They assumed that the president will declare it a holiday. Eh hindi. Lol. I was touched and I really appreciated their handa.

Last was my dinner with my closest, closest girl friends. My core group. Anika planned it. She said I cannot not have a get together or a party this year. I didn’t celebrate kasi my birthday for 2 years. I begged off at first but she wasn’t having it. I’m glad she persisted because it was the first time that I was able to gather all of them in one place. It was so much fun. I was crying and laughing at the same time. There was a program c/o Pineda. There was gift giving with matching speeches. Naging debut-slash-bridal shower tuloy yung dinner. Ewan ko ba dun sa mga yun pero ang laughtrip sobra.

Last month was also the month when I felt some kind of normalcy coming back sa buhay ko. I started feeling like my old self. I was laughing more. I had energy to go out and do stuff more. The struggle with anxiety was getting less and less because the anxiety was coming less and less. I found myself actually doing things because I enjoy doing them not because I have to do it. Gets? Also, they said I look happier. Well, I feel A LOT happier. My eyes are more alive daw. Pineda said hindi na daw ako parang zombie. Lol. I was able to finally finish a book! And I was able to watch a movie na and finish it. Nakakakilig forever ang Pretty Woman, I swear.

For the first time in more than two years, I actually felt that there’s something to look forward to. I can actually feel the light at the end of the tunnel. Ito pala yung sinasabi nila. I may not be 100% there yet but I am now definitely somewhere where I have been praying for.

And, for the first time in a really, really long time, I feel alive.

Thank you, January.

Thank you, God.

There are so many hotels in Tagaytay now. Just recently, I was looking for a place to stay and I was surprised how expensive they were especially the hotels overlooking the Taal Lake.

This afternoon, I was browsing through my drafts folder here in the blog and found this blog entry that I started writing 2 years ago. When one of my childhood friends, Marianne, came home from San Francisco back then, Pam and I took her to Tagaytay with our daughters. Pam is good at looking for affordable but really nice accomodations. I really liked the hotel she chose because it was clean, nice and not expensive.

We stayed at the Quest Hotel Tagaytay.

There are a lot of parking spaces on the hotel grounds.

We stayed for one night. We got 2 Deluxe Twin Rooms. One for the adults, para makapagchikahan galore and one for the kids.

Teka outfit of the day muna.

Moving on, I remember that the room costs around Php 2k plus per night. That was 2 years ago. I checked the rates online just now and the Deluxe Twin Room costs around Php 3,300 per night. It’s still not bad because the rooms are really nice. Here, I’ll show you.

The rooms were new and freshly painted when we were there.

We had 2 twin beds, a writing desk, chair, balcony and television with cable. The airconditioning was good, can be adjusted to the temperature that you like. The sheets and pillows were hotel grade. Maselan ako sa sheets and pillows so I know you believe me when I say nice sila.

I like the bathroom. I’m very particular with bathrooms, right? This one was clean and it had all the essentials

There was also a coffee nook.

Quest Hotel Tagaytay also has a pool and a cafe.

I highly recommend Quest Hotel Tagaytay. The staff were nice and friendly. The place was clean. There’s wifi. The rates were affordable. They also have a one bedroom suite. I saw online that an overnight stay costs around Php 4,800. Pwede na din because the room is big. Wala nga lang breakfast but there are a lot of restaurants near the hotel.

We enjoyed our stay and we’ll book again for sure =)

Quest Hotel Tagaytay
Fora Rotunda Tagaytay, Emilio Aguinaldo Highway, Silang Crossing East, Tagaytay, 4120 Cavite
Email: tagaytay.reservations@questhotelsandresorts.com
Mobile No.: 0908 863 9466 (Mondays – Saturdays); 0918 979 9863 (Sundays)

“I know you thought the breaking was the most painful chapter. It wasn’t. Turn the page. The next part is much longer. It’s the healing. The rise. The comeback. It’s the birth of the new you. And it’s not easy. But you are strong and brave and worth it.” – Stephanie Bennet-Henry

Hi, guys. It’s been a while. Three months to be exact since I wrote the Elephant In The Room blog entry. So many things have happened since.

I completely weaned off all meds last October. I won’t detail it here again because I know you guys know how hard it was. Never take Alprazolam for too long. Dapat daw maxiumum of 4 months lang because one can develop a dependency on the drug. The doctor made me take it for one year and a half. Imagine how difficult it was weaning off from it. The withdrawal symptoms were hell. Si God lang talaga yung nakikita kong reason how I was able to go through it. I am glad I am off it. The trauma it caused my nervous system is another story.

Anyway, one of my good friends, who’s a doctor, suggested to have my hormones checked. Baka imbalanced daw. I got it tested through a blood test. You just need a doctor’s request and bring it to a laboratory. I went to Hi-Precision in SM Aura. True enough, my progesterone hormone is super low. At the time I had it checked, it was 0.2. Yung normal range is supposed to be 1.8 to 25. Now I’m doing the bioidentical hormone replacement therapy with Doc Fran of Centro Holistico. I pray that my progesterone level goes up and umayos my hormones. Imbalanced hormones can cause anxiety and depression. I wish I had mine tested before I took all the meds. Inayos ko na lang sana muna itong hormones ko. Hindi ko na sana tinake yung medicines na yun.

I feel that I’ve improved a lot sa pakiramdam ko since I started with that therapy. There is still anxiety especially during PMS days (nagugulo levels ng hormones) and in the morning (time when we have naturnally high cortisol levels) but I’m so much better than last year. I gained 10 lbs already. Nagkalaman na and hindi na ako mukang nabinat na matanda. I’ve started eating ng maayos though wala pa din yung cravings talaga. I just eat because I need to eat to live. It’s still better than not eating at all.

I no longer feel sad. It has been 2 years and tama sila, magmamanhid ka din pala. I no longer want to chase something that doesn’t choose me. Gusto ko happy lang. No drama. Ayaw ko ng stress. In everything, especially relationships with other people, simple na lang. If you can’t be with me in my worst, then you can’t be with me at my best. I’ve lost people who are important to me in this journey. But I gained new people too. Ganun siguro. God takes away kasi He gives you something better.

I cannot say that I am back to my old self. I keep saying kasi na gusto ko na bumalik sa normal. Leah, during one of our sessions, told me that wala na yung old self ko. This is the new me. Wala na daw kaming inaantay na old self. This is moving forward. I should embrace this new me.

I’d like to share with you the things that I did that helped me arrive to where I am now in the hopes that it can also help some of you.

Pray. I prayed so hard. Every. Single. Moment. I’ve been trying to practice surrendering everything to God. Kasi di ba, even if I say I surrender to Him, I monitor naman what I prayed for. Hindi daw yun ganun dapat.

Exercise. I was in the gym almost everyday. I ran and ran. It helped me cope. Dumating na din kasi yung time na I felt there wasn’t anything to look forward to. So going to the gym really helped me. Nakaka-clear ng head. Sarap pa ng feeling after.

I didn’t stop helping myself. I went to counseling and therapy. I went to Bible studies. Everyday may ganap ako online at 8pm, Either counseling/therapy or bible study. Anything that can help me get better, I did it. I journaled every morning for 10 minutes doing free writing. I went to Centro Holistico for acupuncture every week. I drank supplements. I bought and read books that help me understand more about what I am going through. I watched videos online on how to deal and manage the anxiety. I listened to self help podcasts. I listened to the CCF Sunday services and to Joel Osteen on the way to work every morning. Hindi ako tumigil maghanap ng ways na gumaling. Next time, I do a more extensive post on this one.

I moved and did things. Kahit sobrang hassle, I forced myself to move and to go out. I frequently met up with my close friends, cousins and what is left of my family who’s here in Manila. I went to Pineda’s house often. I kept going out para hindi ako matulala lang and huwag mag-isip. Nakakapagod but it was necessary for me. I organized stuff sa house. Like lahat. I purged my closet. I organized and re-organized lahat ng storages sa bahay that can put Marie Kondo to shame.

I changed my environment. Well, to the most that I can. I couldn’t uproot Anika and move to Alaska so binago ko na lang mga gamit sa bahay. I realized that our house reminded me of the past so I changed it hanggang kung saan kayanin ng budget. I bought a new dining table and gave away the old one. I sold the living room sofa and bought a new sala set and chairs. I bought a new buffet table and a painting. Magastos. But since I cannot buy peace of mind, ito na yung closest na pwede.

I consciously pep talk myself not to catastrophize and not to think of negative thoughts. This is not easy but by doing it regularly, it will become a habit daw. I have not reached the automatic positive thinking yet pero hindi ako tumitigil trying. I always think that not everything that our brain tells us is true. Most of the time pag negative thought siya, false yun. Almost always yan, pansinin niyo. Practice makes perfect. In time, mapeperfect ko din yan.

When January came, I am grateful that I had the energy and will to go out na more often. Pakonti konti.

ME (to Anika): Sweetheart, I’ll be home a little late ha? I’ll meet up lang with my friends.

ANIKA: That’s the third time this month! Bruh, who are you?!

ME: I’m still me.

ANIKA: I know. I’m happy Nanay you are starting to enjoy yourself again.

May ganyan.

She already noticed na nagaayos na ako ulit. She’s happy. She’s still waiting for us to buy my “revenge” clothes. Hindi ko ba naman malaman para saan. Lol.

And you know, I am accepting that there are days na okay, there are days na hindi. Pag okay, enjoy. Pag hindi, it’s temporary. I am trying my best not to dwell on the negative anymore. Grateful na lang lagi. It’s not easy. It’s a struggle for someone who went through trauma but I can do it. And if I can do it, you can do it too.

I can’t wait to be continuously back here.

Excited ako for the days to come.

I’ll see you guys in a bit.

Hi, everybody.

To the people new here, you have to know that I love ice cream. Bata pa ako, I can finish a gallon of ice cream by myself. Ang kahati ko lagi is si Faye because ang hilig din niya sa matamis. Ngayong matanda na ako, half gallon na lang ang kaya kong ubusin in one sitting. I would exercise everyday basta I can eat ice cream often. Binawasan ko lang (ng slight) because Lolo Papa has diabetes so it runs in the genes. My sugar level’s on the boarder line kaya ingat na. But if ice cream lang ang usapan, I have tried them all. Hahaha! Promise! From the dirty ice cream ni Mamang Sorbetero to the Gelato ice cream in Rome, nakain ko na ata lahat. Ang hindi ko lang yata nagustuhan na ice cream is the halo halo flavor of a local brand that I ate when I was 9 years old at a relative’s house. Eww, nasisimi ako when I remember it. Di ko alam bakit parang may mga buto buto and fruits na hindi ko kilala. After that, I never tried a halo halo flavored ice cream.

Anyway , the other day, Anika and Lyn made homemade Avocado and Strawberry ice cream.

When I started eating it, I was so surprised because it was so creamy and (sorry) more delicious than the other famous artisan ice creams that I have tried. Partida, they didn’t use an ice cream maker ha?Napakasarap! Nabilib ako eh. And because sharing is caring, I asked Lyn the ingredients that they use.

Here you go!

STRAWBERRY ICE CREAM

1 tsp Vanilla extract
1 tsp Strawberry syrup
1/4 cup Condensed Milk (chilled)
250 ml All purpose cream (chilled)
Frozen strawberries

Put everything in a blender, blend then freeze overnight. Serve the next day.

AVOCADO ICE CREAM

1 tsp Vanilla extract
1/4 cup Condensed Milk (chilled)
250 ml All purpose cream (chilled)
2 pcs Frozen Avocados

Put everything in a blender, blend then freeze overnight. Serve the next day.

It’s very easy to make! And masarap pa!

You’re welcome! =D