Dear Anika: Your First Independent School Fair

Dear Anika,

Today is the start of your week long school fair for this year. You are in first grade and you were very excited.

Today also marks the first time you will go to the school fair all by yourself. No parents. No yaya. No guardian.

I am writing this now because na-sesenti na naman si Nanay mo.

You were very excited. I was also excited because I remember how fun the CSA school fair is.

ANIKA: Nanay! There will be so many rides! Can I go to the bouncing castle and inside this big ball and then they’ll bounce me around.

Wait.

Rides.

I remember the caterpillar and the octopus rides. Eto yung mga parang titilapon ka sa ere. These were really scary.

ME: Sweetheart, can you not go to the rides?

ANIKA: Awwww!! But can I go to the bouncing castle and inside the big ball.

I can think of one hundred things that can go wrong when she goes inside the bouncing castle and the big ball alone.

ME: Can you wait for me na lang tomorrow so that I can accompany you? Go to the booths na lang.

And then you said,

“Okay Nanay! There’s a make up booth and marriage booth there that I can’t wait to try!”

Wait. Whut?!

Tumaas ang kilay ko anak hangang ceiling.

In my mind:
Anong marriage booth?! I remember making kunchaba some friends na hulihin ako and my crush so they can bring us to the marriage booth. Meron kasi dun na “You may kiss the bride.” part. But I was already in high school then! You’re just in first grade, for goodness sake!

Napapa-for goodness sake tuloy ako.

Sige ta-Tagalugin ko.

“Punyeta, grade 1 ka lang!!!”

But I didn’t tell you that. Instead, I put on a poker face and decided not to show my panic.

ME: Sweetheart, what do you do ba in the marriage booth?

ANIKA: Nanay, don’t panic. They just take pictures of you.

Ah ganun ba?

Hindi naman ako nagpapanic, anak. Actually naka-poker face nga ako eh. Kitang kita pa din siguro in my eyes. Lol.

I realized that I will be spoiling your first independent school fair if I will be like this. Ayoko naman maging KJ so I decided to loosen my reigns to you a little.

I gave you 5 Php 20 bills. You exchanged to me one twenty peso bill kasi gusot gusot na kamo. And then, you went to your room and got your treasure chest where you put all your savings. Nilabas mo lahat ng pera mo.

ME: Anak, don’t get everything. Get some lang and magtipid ka. Wag mong gasutusin lahat.

On a normal school day, it takes me almost 5 minutes to wake you up. Ang dami mong seremonyas. But today, I just whispered that today’s your school fair, nagtatatakbo ka na sa banyo to take a bath.

Excited talaga.

You picked your new jeans and your favorite rubber shoes to wear. You told me to put your hair to a pony tail. You checked your bag for your diary, jacket, pencils and extra white shirt. You even brought a small sling bag where you kept your money and your cellphone. You told me that you will leave your bag in the classroom or in the school bus when you’re going around the school fair. You told me that you will just bring a sling bag just like a grown up. You checked everything twice before we left the house.

Sa awa ng Diyos anak, naiwan mo naman sa bahay your school ID.

Excited nga talaga.

I brought you to school this morning. After we visited the school chapel, we were walking to your classroom.

ME: Anak, can you please tell me what are the rules again.

ANIKA: No rides. Don’t lose my money again. Do not spend so much money on ice cream and mahal stuff. Bring my phone with me everywhere.

Okay, good.

When we got to the end of the corridor,

ME: Anika, can you please give me your diary? I wasn’t able to sign it.

You were raring to go. You gave me an exasperated look.

ANIKA: No na Nanay! It’s okay. Teacher will not get mad. I have to gooooo!!

ME: I want to. Give it to me!

I signed it and then placed it inside her bag. I hugged her. She hugged and kissed me. Then she pushed me away.

ANIKA: I’m soooo excited Nanay! I love you! Bye!

And off you went to your classroom. You were screaming excitedly to your classmates who were at the door.

I watched you until you went inside your room. Malaki ka na nga. You look so independent. It was like it was just yesterday, ang clingy mo pa sa akin. You needed me to go around the fair grounds. Ang bilis ng panahon. Masaya na malungkot. Nakaka-proud to see that you are growing up to be a smart girl. I can’t help but to worry too. Matapang and makulit ka. You are very curious. Tingnan mo, you fell from that soccer goal post that I told you one hundred times not to climb.

But I have to trust you. I have to trust you not to do anything stupid again like climbing that soccer goal post. I have to trust your judgement of what you think is good and bad. Dito natin makikita kung tama nga talaga ang pagpapalaki namin sayo. I will just find comfort on how Wowa and Lolo Papa were when we were in school too. I’m sure deep inside they had their worries but they trusted us.

I am trusting you not to go kissing boys in the marriage booth.

Bakit ba hindi pa i-abolish yang marriage booth na yan!

Hahahaha! Tita na tina ang dating ni Nanay!

Yes, this is just the school fair and my letter for you is so long already.

Wait for my letter when the time comes you’ll ask permission to go on a sleepover. Baka mag-crash ang WordPress ko.

I love you sweetheart.

I hope you will enjoy today.

Love,

Nanay