I’ve been separated for a while now. Long enough to reflect and long enough to start noticing the little things — the ones that used to slip by unnoticed when life was lived as a pair.
Also for a while now, I have been hearing how my married friends bicker about each other (fondly and not so fondly lol). Sometimes when we do heart to heart, I find myself telling them, “Naiimagine mo ba how it is, for example, if wala na siya sa life mo?”. I’ve realized how many moments couples often take for granted — not out of neglect or unkindness, but simply because routine or petty quarrels can dull even the most meaningful parts of daily life. When you’re part of a “we,” some comforts and experiences feel automatic. But when the “we” becomes “me,” like pagmagisa ka na lang sa buhay, those same things can echo loudly, often with newfound awareness.
Let me be clear — I’m not writing this because I suddenly miss my ex-husband or wish things had turned out differently. I don’t. This isn’t about longing for the past. It’s about recognizing what changes when you no longer share your life with someone. It’s about the little things that once felt insignificant, but now hold a weight or tenderness I didn’t expect.
For example, at 45 years old, I’m now learning how to play tennis. Wala ako makuwentuhan how, as a former athlete, it’s not easy — how humbling it is to start again. On days when my coach tells me we had a good rally, nakakaproud sana for me. But when I get home, I have no adult to share that with. No one to listen as I talk about what I think I can improve. No one to laugh at my mistakes. It’s in moments like these that I realize — one of the hardest part isn’t being alone. It’s having something beautiful or hard or funny happen… and having no one to tell.
This list isn’t just for married couples. It’s for anyone who shares life with someone — a partner, a companion, even a close friend — because when you get out of that dynamic, you begin to see with fresh eyes. These aren’t grand gestures or dramatic events. These are small, ordinary moments that now carry extraordinary meaning nung magisa na lang ako.
- Having Another Adult Around
Yes, I know I’m an adult. I’ve been handling things on my own — bills, repairs, raising Anika, making tough decisions — and I’m proud of that. But there are still moments when I wish I had another adult around. Not just anyone, an “adult pro-max” — someone who steps in when things get overwhelming, when I’m second-guessing myself, or when life just throws too much at once. It’s about the quiet comfort of knowing someone has your back — someone who might not always have the answers, but who stands beside you while you figure things out together. When I had a partner, that backup was just there. Just being able to look at a significant other and ask, “Tama ba itong gagawin ko?” — it mattered more than I realized.
2. The texts: Good morning, Good night, I miss you, I love you
The texts — “Good morning,” “Good night,” “I miss you,” “I love you” — may seem small, but their absence is surprisingly loud. They weren’t just words; they were daily reminders that I mattered and was held in someone’s thoughts. I miss the simple connection and emotional reassurance those messages brought. Now, my phone is quiet. Ang mga nagtetext na lang sa akin ay sina Kuya Grab or si Globe or si BPI and si Landers Superstore.
3. No One To Automatically Share To About Whatever
This is especially hard for me because ako ang pinaka-makwentong tao ever. That simple and instinctive act of messaging or calling someone just because I have kwento. Whether it was something funny I saw online, a random thought while driving, a frustrating moment at work, a chismis or just what I had for lunch — there used to be someone on the other end of all that. It’s a quiet kind of loneliness — not dramatic, not earth-shattering. Just the ache of having thoughts with nowhere to land.
4. Being Taken Care Of When You Are Sick
I tend to get really clingy when I’m sick — I wish I weren’t that way, but it’s just who I am. It was comforting to have someone there to take care of me: driving me to the doctor, buying my medicine, and minding the house while I recovered. Those small acts of care made a big difference.
5. Someone To Talk To At The End of The Day
It felt good to have someone to debrief the day with — to share the highs, the lows, and the little moments in between. It was equally nice to listen to someone else’s stories and know they wanted to hear about my day, too.
6. Traveling and Experiencing Things Together
One of the gifts of being in a relationship is having a travel buddy — someone to explore new places with, to share adventures, and to make memories alongside. It’s the little things, like singing along together to songs you like, laughing over inside jokes during long drives or trying out different kinds of restaurants to see which Tom Yum is really the best.
7. Wala Nang Naghahanap Sayo
Except for Anika (who doesn’t even ask where I am because she just checks on Life360 haha!), no one really looks for me anymore. It’s a mix of sadness and freedom. Sadness because I’m used to someone checking in on me, but liberating too, because I can now do whatever I want without needing to report to anyone. Still, sometimes the quiet can feel very lonely.
8. The Thought That You Matter To Someone
Yes, sometimes I feel that absence deeply. But then I think about Anika, and I remember how much I mean to her. That thought brings me peace and reminds me that I am loved, even if in a different way than before.
9. “I Got You” / “Ako Bahala”
Like I said before — I need an “adult pro max.” Being a single mom can be exhausting because there are so many times when I truly don’t know what to do next. Having someone who can say “I got you” or “Ako bahala” would be a lifeline, a reminder I’m not carrying this all alone.
10. The Daily Check-Ins
“Have you eaten?”
“How was your meeting?”
“What time are you coming home?”
Those simple questions were more than small talk — they showed care, presence, and connection.
That’s it for the meantime, friends. Next time, I’ll share naman the positive things — the little wins and new joys I’ve discovered since being on my own.
But for now, yakapin mo nang mas mahigpit ang jowa mo, asawa mo, o partner mo. Be thankful na may kasama ka sa buhay — kahit minsan nakakainis, nakaka-stress, o paulit-ulit. Isipin mo na lang… paano kung wala na sila? Okay ka lang talaga?