Photoblog: The Past Five Years

*warning: baka maumay kayo sa photos ko*

Time really does fly.

I felt it so clearly recently while signing documents at the office. I had to write the date then, I just stopped.

2026.

Parang may nag-freeze sa utak ko. It’s already 2026. Five years have passed since my life—and Anika’s—changed so drastically. So much has happened since then. Alam niyo na naman the gist.

Later, I found myself scrolling through old photos. I could see how much my body has changed in the past five years. Ang daming nangyari sa buhay, and my body changed along with it. Parang sabay silang dumaan sa seasons—stress, healing, survival, growth.

This is how I looked like last December 2021. I weighted 130 lbs. I was at my heaviest na hindi buntis.

This was taken when Anika and I went on a vacation in the US last May 2022. Medyo I lost weight na but not that much yet. Medyo hoping pa ako niyan na babalik sa normal ang buhay ko eventually.

At that time, I was on anti-anxiety medication. I truly believed I needed it because of everything I was going through. And maybe, in that season, it felt like going to a psychiatrist and taking the meds are the only way to survive. But looking back, knowing what I know now, I wish I had paused first. I wish I had chosen counseling before medication. I was going through a life-changing event. Of course I was anxious. Of course I was depressed. Those emotions weren’t weakness — they were human. They were grief. They were trauma. They were loss.

Healing doesn’t always have to start with medication. Sometimes it starts with being heard, being guided, and being allowed to feel: safely, slowly, and honestly.

Anyway, this was taken last June 2022. My weight lost became noticeable. I was already feeling the side effects of taking the meds for a long time.

This was taken in October 2022. Because of my anxiety depression, I couldn’t eat or sleep. I couldn’t function well.

This family photo was taken last December 2022. Nagsimula ang kalbaryo ko physically November 2022. My doctor gave me anti depressants on top of the strong anti anxiety meds. It was the start of the most difficult thing I had to get through, together with the separation.

This was also the last time we were all together in one place for Christmas. After this, naiwan na lang kami nina Wowa and LT sa Manila. Everyone left for abroad. I miss them all so much. Tingnan niyo naman ako diyan. Para akong palito ng posporo. I get to decide our yearly Christmas color theme. I said shades of red, pink or white. Ako naka blue. Kamote. Wala talaga sa wisyo. All I could think of that time was surviving mentally daily.

This was me last February 2023. I was doing counseling 3x a week and Bible study 2x a week. Nasa counseling ako niyan when I did selfies. Alam niyo naman ako, si documentation. Para akong natuyot na dahon there. I remember my eyeglasses kept falling off my face kasi lumiit mukha ko.

This is a fully body photo taken last April 2023. I remember telling myself, “O Nana, gusto mo pumayat di ba? Ayan na. May napala ka din na maganda. You wanted to lose all that fat, eto na siya.”

I felt so weak that time. My meds were being weaned off.

This was taken last September 2023. I weighed 95 lbs. I already lost a total 35 lbs. I was told to exercise to lessen the effects of the withdrawal of the medicines kaya I started going to the gym.

This was taken in November 2023. I’ve weaned off all my meds but I can still feel the effects. Sabi ko, gusto ko ganito ako ka-payat forever. Sabi ng mga taong malapit sa akin, “Hindi maganda, Nana. Magpalaman ka ng konti. Mukha ka pa din may sakit.”

Come April 2024, I feel that I was at my best shape. I started eating well na din. When I lost weight, though my cortisol was super high at 900 nmol/L (normal is 275-500), my sugar and cortisol were at the normal level.

Me at June 2024. Ang gaganda ng mga damit sa akin, mga bakla. I could wear anything well because of my “athletic” figure.

See? Me last August 2024. Ang bibigat na ng kaya ko buhatin na weights.

May 2025 yang photo.. Nagkagana na ako kumain (ng madami lol) and I was able na eat desserts again.

Then ayun na nga. Come July 2025, I had tennis elbow. So I couldn’t play tennis nor lift weights. And then last October, I had my surgery so I couldn’t do any activities for a month. So add the hormones they installed in me plus perimenopausal, PAK!

Kaya I grew this big. Photo taken last Nov 2025.

And I was this big on my birthday last month.

And this is how I look like now.

I haven’t stepped on the scale lately kasi baka mabato ko siya. 😂
People close to me keep telling me I look happier and more at peace now. Medyo mataba daw, pero mas maganda raw tingnan — just lose a little weight, exercise more, and maybe stop eating desserts like there’s no tomorrow.

In my defense, parang ngayon ko lang kinakain lahat ng desserts na hindi ko kinain in the past five years. 😂
But jokes aside, mali pa rin. I’m prediabetic now, and I have to monitor my cholesterol, so I really have to do a lot better when it comes to discipline, especially with food.

And honestly, malaking bagay din ang prayer and surrendering to God. I keep reminding myself to pray consistently — whether I’m happy or struggling. And when we say we surrender things to God, we also have to stop monitoring them. Kasi kung mino-monitor pa rin natin, hindi na talaga yun surrender.

Hindi ko alam kung matatawa ba ako or malulungkot with what happened to my body. But I realized something simple and honest: our bodies carry our stories. Every change has a reason. Every version of me survived something. And maybe that’s not something to laugh at—or judge—but something to understand. Di ba guys?

That’s it pancit.

I won’t say I will blog again very soon. Baka maudlot na naman hahaha! But I really do hope I will see you here again with new posts =D