Mommy Fleur

I recently re-posted something about grieving the what could have been in my Instagram account. I received well-meaning messages. One too many asked if I still believe in love after the failed marriage.

I journaled a lot when I was on the road to getting better. I counted. I have 4 notebooks filled with letters to people, notes, bible verses, learnings from my counseling sessions and kung ano ano pa. The other day, I was going through these notebooks and found a list. Natuwa ako because it was a list of what I wanted to do when I get better or when I’m 100 percent na. I’m not sure lang sino sa mga counselors ko who suggested that pero it helped that time to have something to look forward to. Here are some items on the list:

Hi, guys.

First, sorry ang weird ng design ng page ko. I’m not sure how it looks like on your end pero I know it’s not the same as before. The previous design kasi of my blog is no longer compatible with the new WordPress chenes. So I’m now using a basic template na lang muna while figuring out how to fix everything properly.

Bilis ng panahon. Parang kelan lang, I was celebrating my birthday. Now, it’s the middle of February already. Before you know it, maririnig na natin si Jose Marie Chan.

This year started quite well for me. I spent the New Year’s Eve with Anika and Pineda’s family. Sa tagal na namin friends ni Pineda, it was the first time we had Media Noche together ever. Tuwang tuwa kaming dalawa ni Anika. Isabel and Faye are in New Zealand na and wala namang kapatid tong si Anika so I was grateful she had people from her generation (haha) na nakasama nung salubong.

“I know you thought the breaking was the most painful chapter. It wasn’t. Turn the page. The next part is much longer. It’s the healing. The rise. The comeback. It’s the birth of the new you. And it’s not easy. But you are strong and brave and worth it.” – Stephanie Bennet-Henry

Hi, guys. It’s been a while. Three months to be exact since I wrote the Elephant In The Room blog entry. So many things have happened since.

I completely weaned off all meds last October. I won’t detail it here again because I know you guys know how hard it was. Never take Alprazolam for too long. Dapat daw maxiumum of 4 months lang because one can develop a dependency on the drug. The doctor made me take it for one year and a half. Imagine how difficult it was weaning off from it. The withdrawal symptoms were hell. Si God lang talaga yung nakikita kong reason how I was able to go through it. I am glad I am off it. The trauma it caused my nervous system is another story.

Anyway, one of my good friends, who’s a doctor, suggested to have my hormones checked. Baka imbalanced daw. I got it tested through a blood test. You just need a doctor’s request and bring it to a laboratory. I went to Hi-Precision in SM Aura. True enough, my progesterone hormone is super low. At the time I had it checked, it was 0.2. Yung normal range is supposed to be 1.8 to 25. Now I’m doing the bioidentical hormone replacement therapy with Doc Fran of Centro Holistico. I pray that my progesterone level goes up and umayos my hormones. Imbalanced hormones can cause anxiety and depression. I wish I had mine tested before I took all the meds. Inayos ko na lang sana muna itong hormones ko. Hindi ko na sana tinake yung medicines na yun.